There was a man who in a new place
that stood in the arrivals terminal and wanted a hug from other people. He
watched other
passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling
faces, hugging and laughing together. He looks
like an ordinary man. He wore glasses, trousers, shirt and red coat. He is
tall, thin, has mustache, beard and curly shoulder length hair. He carried a
cupboard and a sign with words “Free Hug” to got a hug from everyone in that
place. At the beginning, people
didn’t care of him. They just stared right through him, nothing special for
looked. They thought that the man was weird. May be some people thought that he
was crazy. No one knew he just a lonely man who wanted and need hug. There were
no person wanted give him a hug. But in the middle of the video, free hug
campaign was begin. There was an old woman started give the man a hug. By the
time one by one person even boy or girl, men or women started give the man a
hug. Because of the man, the terminal becomes crowded. It made the police
stopped and forbidden the man to get free hug because he thought that the man
interfered people’s activities in that place. After the police action, the man
made a petition with find signatures from the people around that place. He told
and persuaded the people about free hug. The people gave their signatures and the
police allowed him to continue his event. Finally
the target 10000 signatures reached. When the target was reached they
celebrated their action. Many people gave free hugs and hugged each other. People
were not shame their beloved people or person they didn’t know. They showed their
love with every touch in hug. I think the video tried to tell us about love and
care each other. Whoever we are and whoever they are, we have to show our love.
Hug is one way of the power of touch.
The outline paragraph about free hug campaign
BalasHapusTitle : Hug Is the Power of Touch
Topic sentence : The video told about the man who in a new place.
A. Major supporting sentences and minor supporting sentences:
1. So confused He stood in the arrivals terminal, watched other passengers.
He wore glasses, trousers, shirt and red coat.
He is tall, thin, has mustache, beard and curly shoulder length hair.
He carried a cupboard and a sign with words “Free Hug”
2. people just stared right through him.
They didn’t care of him.
They thought that the man was weird.
No one knew he just a lonely man who wanted and need hug.
3. There were no person wanted give him a hug.
The terminal becomes crowded.
4. The police stopped and forbid the man.
The man interfered people’s activities in that place.
5. The man made a petition with find signatures.
He told and persuaded the people about free hug.
The people gave their signatures.
6. The police allow him to continue his event.
7. Finally the target 10000 signatures reached.
They celebrated their action.
Many people gave free hugs.
People were not shame and show their love.
8. Main point of the campaign.
Love and care each other.
We have to show our love in hug.
Hug is one way of the power of touch.
Well as you can see in my outline. Number 6, there is only major sentence, there is no minor sentence. You have be careful when you write paragraph especially, because if you put major sentence, you should put minor supporting sentence to support major sentence.
B. Grammar
This paragraph is using past tense. I think that’s good. But I have found some mistakes, such as the sentence:
1. No one knew he just a lonely man who wanted and need hug. The underlined word is wrong. Because you used past tense that word should be “Needed”.
2. Then the police stopped and forbid the man to got free hug because he thought that the man interfered people’s activities in that place.
Same as what I said before, you must consistence used past tense. The underlined word “Forbid” should be “Forbidden” and the underlined “Got” become “Get” because to must followed by verb 1.
3. Finally the police allow him to continue his event. Finally the target 10000 signatures reached.
The underlined word “Allow” should be “Allowed”.
4. People was not shame their beloved people or person they didn’t know.
I think people mean plural, so “Was” must changed with “Were”.
5. They show their love with every touch in hug.
The underlined word “Show” should be “Showed” because past.
6. I think the video try to told us about love and care each other.
As I what said before. To must followed by verb 1. So that might be “Tell” not “Told”.
And for your grammar. I have a note for you. That you must be consistence when you used past tense, you must used verb 2. Remember about "To" must followed by verb 1, although it happened in the past. And also be careful about plural and singular.
Ok, I think that's all about my comment and suggestion for you. Hope you enjoy on writing. And nice to share and comment my best friend's paragraph.